This is a partial transcript of Episode #61 of True Kinship With Animals podcast. Listen in full on your favorite podcast platform or on Podbean. If you like what you hear, be sure to subscribe and share!
Note: The example I am using today with true kinship is one of bolting dogs. I am speaking only from my experience with the family dogs I have had. I am not a trainer and this is not training advice. If you are looking for a trainer to help you and the family dog, it is your responsibility to consult with those who are professionally qualified.
What does true kinship with animals look like in everyday life?
Truth is, it’s different for everyone. There’s no set right or wrong way to be in true kinship. It’s different for every animal, every human, every relationship and every combination thereof. As astrologer Chani Nicholas says “There are no wrong answers to this and you can’t get it right.”
That can be surprising to hear, especially if you’re looking for that one, correct way to do things. That’s what our society conditions us to do - look for ‘the’ answer. But I’m betting you know for yourself there are rarely easy answers to complex challenges and situations, as much as we’d like to think there are! Wrapping everything up in a neatly tied package with a pretty bow is an illusion colonized culture wants us to believe.
Truthfully, the neatly tied package with a pretty bow hasn’t much room for nuances, the delicate reciprocity and compromises that are involved in relationships and the agency of all species.
So here’s a real life example. What happens when, let’s say, the family dog has a habit of bolting out of the door every chance she gets? Your neighbor had the same experience and they resolved it by using such and such a training tool on the dog.
When you try that tool, not only does it not work but the family dog thinks it’s the best hide and seek toy they ever had!
OK, that wasn’t the result you were looking for. So what are some options you have as you come from a place of true kinship?
Take some time to observe what’s happening. You’re probably saying “I’ve done that Janet, and she still bolts!” Observe deeper. Observe differently. Use a different set of lenses when you’re observing. What’s leading up to the bolt? What is her body language telling you? Watching body language is often under-rated, if not ignored, yet it’s a gold mine of information.
Observe her using her agency when she’s not tempted to bolt. What do you observe/learn when the two of you aren’t in that particular situation?
Ask yourself the hard questions and be willing to sit with them, like, are we still a good fit for each other? Be willing to stay with those difficult questions as you are able. They can provide fertile ground for your imagination to open up, giving nuances, realizations and new discoveries time to evolve into possibilities.
It’s not necessary to do this by yourself. As a matter of fact, true kinship evolves and thrives in community, not in solitude. Check out the resources in your local community you can connect with.
If you’d like an online community specifically dedicated to true kinship with animals, check out Kindred a subscription service for folx caught between how society treats animals (as animals) and how you treat them (as kin).
Here’s an invitation for you to join in the subscription based Kindred community at the level that calls to you. Kindred encourages you to look at your relationship with animals differently so that a new place of understanding begins to open for you.
Just for today remember: We all do better when all creatures do better. Until next time, take good care!
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